Friday, July 3, 2009

I must have this!

Behold, the Three Wolf Moon "Official" T-shirt:
Amazon.com_ Three Wolf Moon _Official_ T-Shirt 100% Cotton Short Sleeve Shirt KIDS - TEENS & ADULTS.jpg
I am seriously considering leaving med school and quitting the gym. There is nothing that could make me half as kick-ass as owning this shirt. Girls will want me and guys will wish they were me. Just imagine the damage you'd do if this thing came in sleeveless.

I'd highly suggest checking out the comments on the amazon page....they are hilarious. Below, I have copied two of them (if you're too lazy to click through)

5 stars
This item has wolves on it which makes it intrinsically sweet and worth 5 stars by itself, but once I tried it on, that's when the magic happened. After checking to ensure that the shirt would properly cover my girth, I walked from my trailer to Wal-mart with the shirt on and was immediately approached by women. The women knew from the wolves on my shirt that I, like a wolf, am a mysterious loner who knows how to 'howl at the moon' from time to time (if you catch my drift!). The women that approached me wanted to know if I would be their boyfriend and/or give them money for something they called mehth. I told them no, because they didn't have enough teeth, and frankly a man with a wolf-shirt shouldn't settle for the first thing that comes to him.

I arrived at Wal-mart, mounted my courtesy-scooter (walking is such a drag!) sitting side saddle so that my wolves would show. While I was browsing tube socks, I could hear aroused asthmatic breathing behind me. I turned around to see a slightly sweaty dream in sweatpants and flip-flops standing there. She told me she liked the wolves on my shirt, I told her I wanted to howl at her moon. She offered me a swig from her mountain dew, and I drove my scooter, with her shuffling along side out the door and into the rest of our lives. Thank you wolf shirt.

Pros: Fits my girthy frame, has wolves on it, attracts women
Cons: Only 3 wolves (could probably use a few more on the 'guns'), cannot see wolves when sitting with arms crossed, wolves would have been better if they glowed in the dark.


5 stars
So I'm looking for threads that say, "Hey baby...I'm real boss!" when I stumble upon this epic creation. The wolves spoke to me in a language all their own; it was like German, Mongol, and Bitchin all mixed together. I mean, one wolf howlin at the moon is major...but three???

I ordered next-day air (if only there was same day!), and, of course, a size smaller than usual to ensure the closeness of the wolves to my chest hair. When the package arrived, I tore it open, and I SWEAR angels sang. I think it was Freebird. I immediately removed my "No Fat Chicks" shirt, and replaced it with this finery. Lemme tell you: AW YEAH.

I'll spare the details of my conquests since I started wearing this shirt; suffice to say, I'm swimming in a sea of babes the likes of which are usually found on those K-Tel infomercials. I'm also more confident at work, and expect to be promoted to cashier soon. I owe everything to this shirt (I should say "shirts", since I now own 23 of them).


These guys probably have no idea what to do with all the ladies they're pulling.
kpbzC.jpg

3 comments:

Unknown said...

HAHAHAHA...this is great...I really needed a good laugh to give my brain a rest! Actually, having spent the last 2 weeks in the camper at an RV park, I can definitely vouch for just how fashion-forward a tee like this truly is.

Unknown said...

I see you really studied while your girlfriend was out bringing you lunch while you study oh so hard for the biggest exam of your life! ;)

Scott said...

That was posted yesterday! I studied while you brought me lunch!